


When A Lover Leaves

by Sculder (Philer4Ever)



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alien Abduction, Episode: s07e22 Requiem, Established Relationship, M/M, POV First Person, Post-Episode: s08e15 DeadAlive, Slash, skinner pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-31 00:57:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12665013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philer4Ever/pseuds/Sculder
Summary: A lover decides he must go and his lover has to deal with that decision.





	When A Lover Leaves

I lie alone in bed, naked. He's gone. An early meeting. It's a gloomy, cloudy morning. It fits my mood. I hate waking up and finding him gone, but I'd better get used to it. Soon he will be gone and I will be alone - not only in this bed, but in my life. I feel tears well up behind my eyes and a horrible knot form in my gut. I can't, I won't - not now. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. When I open my eyes, a tear escapes down my cheek. I curse, wiping it away. I sit up abruptly and glance down at his space. My hand involuntarily moves over it. It's still warm. Suddenly, I become excited with the prospect he might still be here - preparing breakfast in the kitchen. I leap from the bed, not bothering to cover my nakedness and run down to the kitchen. Before getting there, I notice his overcoat is gone. That could only mean he's gone, too. My heart sinks. I don't continue to the kitchen but begin to climb the stairs despondently and go back to the bedroom.

I sit on the edge of the bed, heavily sighing aloud. Suddenly I have no energy. I throw myself back and just lie there staring at the ceiling. After a while, I close my eyes and begin to think about the two of us - our relationship - the moment I knew he wouldn't be with me forever.

It was on a trip we took, our first vacation. We decided to drive up to Canada and rent a cabin in the woods. We took turns driving. When it was my turn to take the wheel, he got in the passenger side. Almost immediately he became contemplative - not his usual talkative self. After 10 minutes passed without him saying a word, I decided to ask him if there was anything wrong. The conversation went something like this.

"You okay?" I say, glancing over at him. He looks at me for a second, then smiles.

"Yeah, I'm fine - just thinkin'," he answers.

"About what?"

He sighs before answering my question. "Have you ever wanted to know what it would be like to be someplace else?"

I'm somewhat surprised. I look at him and he's looking at me, waiting for my answer. 

"You mean to live someplace other than Virginia?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"I don't know," I shrug. "I never really thought about it. You?"

"Yeah...sometimes," he says solemnly.

"Where would you want to go?"

He shrugs. "Anywhere. I grew up in Massachusetts, on the Vineyard. Sam and I would dream about what it would be like to live someplace else. I never thought I would actually leave though. When she was taken, I couldn't stay. I knew I needed to go and find her. My search brought me to DC. I found a little apartment in Alexandria and well - you know the rest."

"That was your first apartment away from home?"

"Yeah, kinda'. Phoebe and I got a place while we were in college. She hated having to visit me at the dorm and her dorm was no better," he explained.

"When they let me out of the VA hospital, I got a tiny place just outside DC," I said. "Once I got into the Bureau and had more income, I got a bigger apartment. Then I met and married Sharon and we got a house together. I ended up in Crystal City after the divorce."

"You've lived a lot of places," Fox commented.

"I guess so. Crystal City is the only place that feels like home - a place I'd like to stay."

"Yeah, you've got a great place." 

I heard the way he said ‘you've’. "It's your place, too, ya' know," I reply as sincerely as possible.

"I know. You keep telling me that," he says.

"You don't believe me?"

"It's not that I don't believe you. I know you're telling me the truth, but I can't help but feel it's yours. I moved into your place."

"Is that why you're thinking about living somewhere else? You want a place that's yours?" I ask.

"It's not about the place. It's about where the place is. I need to be somewhere else."

He sat staring down at his wringing hands for a while. I could tell he was full of turmoil. I sensed it for some time. He seemed restless during the last few weeks. This was why we decided on taking the trip. Maybe getting away would help him sort out whatever turmoil he was going through. I had no idea this was what was troubling him.

"You said, 'I'. You're planning on going this alone?" I ask, not wanting to hear his answer.

I look at him and I can read the answer in his eyes. I immediately pull the car into the nearest rest stop then turn to him.

"Okay, tell me what's going on here?" I ask, turning sharply to face him. He looks at me sheepishly, lowering his eyes. "Answer me, Fox," I say firmly. He then looks into my eyes. I can see the tears forming in them.

"I'm sorry, Walter. I should have talked to you sooner. I've been feeling like this for a few weeks now and I didn't know how to tell you. I don't really understand it, I just know it's something I have to do and I have to do it...alone."

I could feel myself glaring at him - my rage at the situation growing inside me.

"I don't believe this! You're leaving me!" I yell.

"No...not now, but eventually ," he says, attempting to reassure me.

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better. You're not gonna' leave me now, but eventually. How about giving me a date, Fox? Can you give me a date as to when you'll be going so I can place an ad for a new lover?" I say sarcastically.

"Walter, I know you're angry. I wish I had never brought it up," he says sadly.

"Well, you did!" I shout as I start up the car and head back home. Surprising, I got no protest from him. I guess he knew continuing with our trip was totally out of the question now. Neither of us spoke the whole way back. He was so uncharacteristically quiet I thought he had fallen asleep, but he hadn't. He was just staring out the window, as if in a haze. I noticed him glancing at me from time to time, but he said nothing. I was glad, because I wasn't in the mood to do any talking - I was too angry.

Once we were home, I drove into the garage and parked. We both sat motionless and quiet inside the car for what seemed like forever. Then I moved to get out the car. As I pushed open the door, I felt his hand grab my arm.

"Please, Walter - don't go. We have to talk," he says.

"Oh, you want to talk. Well, I'm not in the mood to talk now," I say, wrenching his hand from my arm. I get out the car, slamming the door.

Once I get up to the apartment, I throw myself on the couch. I feel so exhausted-- drained. Moments later, he comes in and stands next to the couch looking down at me. Even though my eyes are closed, I can sense him there. I refuse to open them to look at him. After a few more minutes, I decide to open them and discover he's no longer there. I sigh, covering my eyes with my arm. Not long afterwards, I hear noises coming from the hallway. I get up to see him struggling with all our bags down the hall. Instead of making two trips from the car, he's trying to carry all of them at once. He drops a few as he approaches me. I glare at him and walk back inside where I continue glaring at him from the couch. He brings them in and immediately drops them on the floor, then shuts the door with his foot. Afterwards, he stands watching me for a moment, out of breath.

"I figured someone should take them out the car since we're not going anywhere," he says.

I continue to glare at him then lie back down on the couch - dismissing him.

"Walter, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I have to. I need to try and explain," he says, sitting on the coffee table. I don't move an inch, but he continues anyway.

"I've always been restless. It started with Samantha then continued with me searching for her. When I finally found out what happened to her, I thought I would be finally at peace, but I wasn't. Next, it was Scully. I had to find out what they had done to her. Then it was the nanocytes in you. After that it was all the crap with the aliens. I've always been restless about something or someone, but since I've been with you, things have changed. I'm not as restless or at least I thought I wasn’t. In the last few weeks, I've been feeling that way again. Now, it seems like I need to be someplace else...like I'm being called somewhere."

His last sentence brings a chill down my spine. I sit up and look at him. I know he can see the horror in my eyes.

"Someone or something is calling you?" I ask seriously. 

His eyes grow wide, a big grin forms on his lips. "No, I don't think it's anything like that," he chuckles.

"How do you know? You were abducted. How do you know they didn't put some kind of transmitter in you so they could contact you whenever they wanted to?"

"Walter, you really need to stop staying up late watching the Sci-Fi Channel," he snickers.

"Fox, I'm serious!" I shout, changing his amusement to concern. He gets up to sit next to me on the couch. He brings his hand up to caress my face.

"I'm sorry. I don't think that's what's happening here. I think it's me. I need to be somewhere else, for me," he says simply.

"Is it me? Are you tired of me?" I ask, trying to stop the tears I feel coming.

He leans over and gives me a passionate reassuring kiss then holds my face in his hands.

"Walter, you have to believe me. This has nothing to do with you. This is something I need to do for myself."

"I thought you loved me. I thought we would be together forever," I whine. I know how I must sound—and I don’t care...

He grabs my head and brings it down to his chest, rocking me like a baby.

"Baby, I do love you. I'll always love you."

"But you're still going to leave me," I say pitifully.

"I wish I didn't have to."

I lift my head so I can look him in the eye.

"Why can't I come with you?"

"Because I need to do this alone. I can't really explain why. I'm sorry."

"Will you be back?"

"Sure, but not for a long while," he admits sorrowfully.

"Can you at least tell me where you're going?" I ask, pleading.

"No, I can't because I don't know, but it won't be for a while yet."

"Will you tell me before you go? I don't want to wake up to you just not being  
there."

He kisses me on my head. "I'll definitely tell you, Walter. I would never do something so cruel to you."

I lay my head back against his chest and wrap my arms around him, holding him tight.

Now this brings us back to the present. Every day since that time, I thought of what he said. I wonder when he'll tell me he's gonna' leave. It's been a hell of a way to live. I'm glad he said he would never just leave in the middle of the night. He promised me he wouldn't and he's a man of his word, so at least I know that won't happen, but I don't know when he'll spring it on me. I hope he doesn't say it the day before he goes.

I've been going out of my way to make him happy and content in an effort to make him not want to leave. I pray the feeling to go would leave him. I don't dare ask him for fear that bringing it up would make it happen sooner. It's been two months now but I know when he makes up his mind, there's no changing it.

Now, I'm lying on our bed, still naked. I need to get up and take a shower so I won't be late for work, but I can't seem to move my body. I'm so weary. I just want to crawl back in bed and disappear beneath the covers - never to come out, but I know I can't. I am the Assistant Director of the freakin' FBI. I need to pull myself together. I force myself to sit up then I get to my feet. I shuffle toward the bathroom and step into the shower. As I turn on the water and let it flow over my body, I can't help but feel a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. Something was about to happen - something I've been dreading for the past two months.

I finally get to the office. I'm glad to see the pile of folders awaiting me. This will give me the chance to concentrate on something else. I ask my secretary, Kim, if I have a meeting with Mulder and Scully today and she tells me no. I'm relieved. I really don't want to see him unless I have to.

It's now a little after 7pm. I'm tired and figure it's time to call it a day. I wonder if he's left and is already home - waiting. I pick up some Chinese food for us on the way. As I pull into my parking space, I see his car is indeed there. Immediately, I feel the knots forming in my gut. I sit in the car for a while, trying to postpone the inevitable then I get out and go upstairs. I use me key to let myself in. When I open the door, I see him sitting on the couch, still wearing his suit. He gets up as I walk inside and close the door. I take a deep breath then turn to face him. He's walking closer to me.

"Hi", he says shyly, shuffling his feet awkwardly. This demeanor with him is never a good sign.

"Hi," I answer back. "You just gettin' home?" I ask, glancing at his suit.

He looks down at himself. "No, I've been home a while - just didn't get the chance to change. I need to talk to you."

I nod and clench my jaw. Here it comes. "You're leaving," I say simply.

His eyes grow wide. "How did you know?"

"You told me months ago you would be leaving...eventually. Ever since that day, I've been waiting for you to tell me when. When I woke up this morning, I sensed today would be the day."

We stand face to face for a moment, not knowing what to do or say then I begin, "How do you know this was the time to go?" I watch as he sighs, working his jaw.

"I can't explain it, but I just know."

"It's because of your abduction, isn't it?"

"I didn't want to say anything before, but it is," Mulder admitted. 

I knew it. I've always felt he came back different - changed in some way. His words wound me. I curse them for taking him and I curse myself for not doing anything to stop them.

"Where do they want you to go?" I ask, swallowing hard.

He chuckles. "It's not them exactly, but it's about them." 

I look at him, perplexed.

"Let me try to explain," he says, talking my hand and sitting me down on the couch beside him.

"When I came back, I was so lost. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. While I was surfing the Net one night, I came across this site for abductees. It wasn't a sector of MUFON, but a new group. I contacted them then met with them. They were really nice, normal people. They had experienced the same things I had. I felt camaraderie with them almost immediately. They told me what they did to me made me different - I needed to find out who I was now. I needed to take some time and do this - or I would surely have a breakdown."

"So, you're leaving because they told you to. Fox, this sounds like a cult to me," Skinner said with concern.

"I know. It does sound like one, but it's not. I've investigated them. They are a legitimate group who help people-- like me."

Skinner watched his lover for a moment. "So, you're going to be with them?"

"Yes. Their members are experienced in dealing with the unique problems of the abductee. It will be like a therapy group or a therapy retreat."

"Why can't you stay here and get therapy?"

"I can't, Walter. I need to go and have them help me."

"How long will you be there?"

"I don't know."

"Will you ever come back...to me?" 

He caresses my face and smiles his beautiful smile.

"Of course I will - someday."

"I guess you can't tell me where you're going, either." 

He shakes his head. 

"Can you at least tell me when you're leaving?"

"In two days." 

I lower my head and close my eyes. "Why couldn't you tell me about all of this before?"

"I was told to tell loved ones as little as possible."

"But you told me nothing," I say a bit incensed.

"I know and I'm sorry. I didn't know how. I was afraid. I was afraid of my decision and what it would do to us." His voice was trembling. I reach out my hand and he grabs it, giving it a tender kiss.

"I'm gonna' miss you," I whisper.

"I'm gonna' miss you, too and I don't want you to feel you have to wait for me. If you need to be with someone in my absence, I'll understand," he assured.

"I would never do that to you - to us. I will wait as long as I have to for you to return to me," I say adamantly.

He stares at me with a lustful gaze. "Make love to me. Once more before I go," he whispers as he begins to remove his suit. I'm right behind him, removing mine. When we're both naked, we lunge for each other - mouths hungry with need - hands groping with urgency. He knelt down and lowered his mouth to my cock. His luscious lips devoured me whole. When I was sufficiently hard, he turned, getting on his knees-- offering his ass to me for preparation. He spreads his cheeks wide, exposing his puckered hole. I find a tube of lube and squeezed some on two of my fingers, then inserted them in his ass. He's bracing himself on the floor with both hands now. I worked it in good before adding a third. Once he was properly prepared, I knelt down behind him grasping his hips then slid deep inside the small opening. He lets out a groan of pleasure. I begin to thrust slowly at first then pick up the pace. Soon I'm thrusting like a piston - ramming into him hard and fast. It only takes a few more pumps until I cum deep within him. As I pull out, some of my cum seeps out of him and runs down his thigh. I fall to the side, a lump of exhausted flesh.

He balances himself on one hand as he grasps his cock and tries desperately to bring himself off. I move towards him, turning him on his back. I replace his hand with my mouth, enveloping his cock and fondling his balls with my hand. Soon he's bucking and panting. When I stick a few fingers to his ass, he explodes in my mouth. Afterwards, we both lie on the floor in each other's arms - I'm brushing his hair and he’s caressing my scalp.

"What am I going to do without you?" I ask tearfully.

"Get acquainted with your right hand again?" he chuckles.

I sit up to look him in the eye. "I'm serious, Fox. What the hell am I going to do without you?"

He looks me in the eye and realizes I'm dead serious and terrified. "Walter, you're going to be fine without me. Ya' know why?"

My eyes are wide as I shake my head.

"Because you're not going to be without me, I'm going to stay in contact with you. You won't be able to contact me, but I'll be able to contact you. I don't know if they'll let me call, but they promised me I'll be able to contact a loved one."

"Have you told Scully anything?"

"She knows as much as you do. She's happy I'm going to be getting help. Ever since I came back, she's wanted me to talk to somebody about what happened. I'm going to try and contact her too, even though they'll only allow us one contact person."

"If you have a problem, I can always let her know how you're doing," I offer.

"That would be great. Thank you," he says, kissing me gently on the lips.

The next two days, are spent preparing for his trip. When it was time for him to leave, we were as prepared as we were gonna' be. I drive him to the airport. I can see the destination of his flight, but he tells me from there he'll be taken to an undisclosed location. Once again, he assures me everything was going to be all right. At the checkpoint, we say our good-byes. It's awkward. Neither of us wants to allow ourselves to cry. I find it hard to look him in the eye and he is obviously having the same trouble—that, or he is truly finding his shoes interesting. But soon he really has to go, so I reach out and pull him into my arms. We bury our heads into each other's shoulders and begin to weep. Moments pass then as if by some force, we both lean up and get ourselves together. He moves away from me and goes to the conveyor belt, placing his carry-on on it. After he goes through the metal detector and grabs his bag, he turns one last time and gives me a wide grin and a wave. I wave, but can't quite manage a grin. Then he moves down the long hall and further and further away from me and my life. He doesn't look back anymore. I watch until he's out of sight, then I stand there a few moments longer. Finally, I get the strength to go back to my car.

I drive to where I can see the planes taking off. I sit in the car and watch as planes rise in the sky. I know one of them is his. As I watch, I relive the night he was abducted and taken from me. A sense of loss comes over me as I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I know he said he'll come back to me, but right now-- as I did that night - I feel like I've lost him. I've lost him...again.

The End


End file.
